


If you were a football, I'd never shoot. Because I would always miss you.

by QueenAsha



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M, Robb is a football star, Theon is a uni student
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 18:05:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1827367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenAsha/pseuds/QueenAsha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Theon unknowingly asks a football star out on a date, they go on a picnic, and break in to a closed swimming pool</p>
            </blockquote>





	If you were a football, I'd never shoot. Because I would always miss you.

**Author's Note:**

> This came about because I needed something lighthearted to keep me going on another fic, and then I ended up finishing this one first. And a huge thanks to [theblondemermaid](http://theblondemermaid.tumblr.com/), for beta-reading so last minute and encouraging me along the way. This fic wouldn't have been finished without you <3

“I'm going to ask him out,” Theon says. He gestures in the direction of the _fiction_ section of the library, where a handsome man in sunglasses seems to be doing his best to hide behind a book.

 

Loras shakes his head. “Please don't,” he says. “We came here to study. Besides... don't take this the wrong the way, but don't you think he's a bit out of your league?”

 

“What are you talking about? I'm a catch.”

 

“While true, I think there are limits, even for you,” Margaery says.

 

Theon looks offended now. “You both suck. I'm going to go and talk to him now, you just watch.”

 

-

 

“If I had to rate you out of ten I'd rate you a nine... because I'm the one you're missing.”

 

Theon smiles widely as the man stops, hand still on the bookshelf. He is very handsome, from what Theon could tell behind the sunglasses. Tall, red curls, perfect jawline and amazing physique, just what Theon wanted. Though, if he's being honest, it is the man's skittishness, rather than his looks, which had made him stand out from the library regulars.

 

The man finally turns to him. “Excuse me?”

 

Theon decides to try again. “Let's commit the perfect crime: I'll steal your heart, and you'll steal mine.”

 

“Do I know you?” the man says, and while he does sounds stern, Theon can see the corners of his mouth twitching, like he is trying not to smile. Score!  


“No, but you really should. Theon Greyjoy, marine biology student and expert charmer. Pleasure to meet you,” Theon says, stretching out a hand.

 

The man takes it. “Robb. Just out looking for some new books”

 

“Research, eh? Anything good?” Theon asks.

 

The man– _Robb_ – nods. “Actually yes.” Robb waves his book at him. Theon doesn't recognise the title, but he still grins.

 

“I'll leave you to it then. I do, however, think it would be a great shame of you to let me leave without giving me your number.” Robb seems to appreciate his over-the-top flirting, so he waggles his eyebrows for good measure.

 

“You know? Why not,” Robb says. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a pen. Then he picks up his notepad from the desk and scrawls something out. He hands it to Theon. “I'm busy this week, so if you want to be successful when you ask me out, I'd suggest going for next Friday. Somewhere quiet, please.”

 

“I'll take that into consideration,” says Theon, mock-seriously. “See you!” Robb is still watching him as he turns away, so Theon makes a conscious effort not to obviously hurry away. He finally makes it round the corner, where Margaery and Loras are waiting.

 

Margaery looks at him expectantly “Well?”

 

Theon whips out the paper. “BAM! Told you I could do it. I can't believe you doubted me.”

 

Loras rolls his eyes. “Well, excuse me for not thinking you'd be able to pull _Robb Stark_.”

 

“Wait, you know him?” Theon frowns. “Why didn't you tell me? You could have introduced us, so I didn't have to go for the cheesy pick-up line shit.”

 

Margaery and Loras share a look, which only increases Theon's agitation. “What is going on here?”

 

“You mean to say that you don't know who that was?” Margaery asks. Her voice is gentle, bordering on condescending.

 

“Spit it out.”

 

“That's Robb Stark. As in, international football star-multi-millionaire-captain of the Westeros national team- Robb Stark. He's kind of a big deal,” Loras tells him.

 

Theon can feel the blood draining from his face. “He's... he's famous?”

 

“We thought you knew,” Margaery says.

 

“You're serious right now? You're definitely not joking?”

 

Loras shakes his head, and it takes everything Theon has not to faint.

 

-

 

As soon as he makes it back to his flat, he throws himself at his laptop and types _Robb_ Stark in the search bar. The first result to come up is a wikipedia page. Hands shaking, Theon clicks it.

 

_Robb Stark_

“ _Stark” redirects here. For the pop musician, see_ _Sansa Stark_ _. For the producer, see_ _Eddard Stark._ _For the Fencer, see_ _Arya Stark._

 

 **Robb Stark** _(born 12 May 1986) is a professional_ _ fooballer _ _who plays as a_ _ striker _ _for the_ _ Northern _ _club_ _ Winterfell United _ _and the_ _ Westeros National Team _ _of which he is_ _ captain. _ _He is the son of film producer_ _ Eddard Stark _ _and brother of singer-songwriter and musician_ _ Sansa Stark _ _and international fencing champion_ _ Arya Stark. _

 

 _Stark started his career in the_ _ Northern League _ _the early 2000's before being signed by_ _ MFC Westeros _ _, where he made a name for himself under_ _ Robert Baratheon. _ _He was later signed by_ _ Dragonstone _ _for $22 million. In 2006, Stark signed with rivals_ _ Kings Landing City _ _, and was named in the 2007, 2009 and 2010_ _ WFLU Team of the Year, _ _in addition to finishing as the teams highest scorer. In the summer of 2011, Stark transferred to Winterfell United, located near his_ _ childhood _ _home in the far north of_ _ Westeros _ _._

 

Theon slams his laptop shut, unable to even get to the articles table of content. It goes on for ages, and he doesn't think he'll be able to get through the article without his heart leaping out of his throat. _I better make this an impressive date_ , he thinks.

 

-

 

_(21:13)_

_marg, I need your help right now_

 

(21: 14)

What's up?

 

_(21:14)_

_i googled him_

 

(21:15)

Oh honey no

 

_(21:15)_

_his whole family is famous! i have his sisters music on my phone_

 

(21:17)

Please don't tell him that

 

_(21:18)_

_:(_

 

(21:19)

You'll be fine

 

_(21:20)_

_how the fuck am I going to take him out on a date? i bed he's used to limos and champagne_

 

(21:21)

Just take him out for a drink! He wouldn't have given you his number if he didn't actually want to go out with you

 

_(21:21)_

_i can't take him somewhere crowded! he'll get swamped by people_

 

(21:22)

He went to the library and he was fine. The only one who approached him was you

 

_(21:23)_

_he was in disguise!!!_

 

(21:25)

A very bad disguise

 

_(21:26)_

_my point still stands. H E L P_

 

(21:26)

How about a picnic? You could bring a few beers, take him to the lake just outside town

 

_(21:29)_

_...that actually sounds like a good idea, thanks_

 

(21:32)

Any time dear. Love you xx

 

-

 

It takes Theon about ten minutes to muster up the courage to call Robb. He feels ridiculous, he had no problem walking up to him before... It isn't even like he's starstruck, Theon couldn't care less about football (aside from all the hot players that is). He just can't get past the fact that the person he seemed to have a somewhat descent chance with has his own wikipedia page and is apparently worth millions.

 

The phone rings a couple of times before Robb finally picks up. “Hello?”

 

“Robb? This is Theon. The guy from the library.”

 

“Hey! What's up?”

 

“Oh, nothing much. You know how you told me to ask you out Friday? I'm about to do that now, so be prepared to say yes.”

 

“Go on then,” Robb says.

 

“I was thinking a picnic. I'll bring some stuff, you'll bring some stuff, it'll be awesome.”

 

“That sounds great.”

 

“Do you want me to pick you up?” Theon asks. He doesn't have a car, but maybe if he begs Asha she'll lend him hers...

 

“How about we meet in town? There's a small monument, about five minutes from the library. It shouldn't be too out of the way.”

 

“I know the one,” Theon says, relieved. “See you at three?”

 

“Three it is. Listen, I have a... thing now, so I've got to go. See you soon!”

 

“Bye.”

 

Theon waits until Robb hangs up before doing the same. _That wasn't so bad_ , he thinks. _Maybe I can do this without screwing up after all._

 

-

 

(It turns out that Robb's “thing” is a match, Winterfell United versus the Dornish Wanderers. Theon watches the whole thing, keeping an eye on Robb the whole time. After spending the game on the edge of his seat, Theon admits that football might not be as bad as he'd first thought.”

 

-

 

Theon arrives early, but when he arrives, Robb is already waiting. He's wearing the sunglasses, as well as a baseball cap, but by the way the boy across from him is whispering, he isn't doing that good of a job at being recognised. He looks great, Theon notes. He's wearing a simple, white shirt which probably cost more than Theon's monthly rent, an olive green scarf, and a pair of black skinny jeans.

 

“Hey,” Theon says. “Want to get going?”

 

Robb looks relieved to not be standing there alone any more. “Hi there. Sure. Did you have somewhere special in mind?”

 

“The lake's not far from here, maybe a ten minute walk,” Theon tells him. “I brought a ton of food, so I hope you haven't eaten too much already.”

 

They make small talk **s** on the way, though Theon notices early on that Robb seems reluctant to talk about himself too much. Theon doesn't mind, happy to launch into conversation about some of the stranger things he'd experienced at uni.

 

“Last year, when I was living on campus, we actually ended up in a pretty quiet dorm, yeah? Only one night, during exam time, someone upstairs was hosting this massive party. I was pretty offended, they hadn't invited me you see, and so I was about to go up and talk to them, when suddenly the fire alarm went off! We all evacuated, and while we were waiting, this guy I know from upstairs came running up to us, and he had his friend with him. Only, he was dressed as a dragon, and his friend was dressed as a strawberry. So I asked him what was going on, and he just got this terrified look in his eyes, and in absolute seriousness told me that he had set fire to a packet of rice by putting it in the microwave, hence the fire alarm. But he had trouble keeping his voice down, and ended up shouting this really loudly. And since it was exam period, a few people got pissed, so he just grabbed his friend by the arm, and ran away into the night!”

 

Robb laughs, stopping for a moment to grab his sides. “And then what?”

 

“You know, I haven't actually seen him since...” Theon trails off. “Do you think I should be worried?”

 

“I bet he just got really embarrassed, and decided to never leave his room again,” Robb says.

 

By now, they've reached the lake. Robb has brought a blanket for them to sit on, so they settle down on the grass instead of the benches. Robb takes off the sunglasses, but to Theon's disappointment, the cap stays on. Robb takes out a sandwich each, while Theon opens his bag and pulls out a can of beer. “Catch!” he says, throwing it at Robb, who catches it with ease. “It's just the cheap stuff, sorry about that.”

 

Robb frowns. “You're apologising for giving me beer?”

 

“Oh, you know,” he says. “Student budget, probably not as fancy as you're used to.” Robb's frown is deepening, and Theon wishes he hadn't said anything. “With the whole football thing, I just thought– never mind.”

 

Understanding flashes in Robb's eyes. “Ah. I see.”

 

Theon isn't sure what Robb is seeing, but he feels that he needs to change the direction of this conversation quickly. “It's not what you think!”

 

“Oh? Because when I gave you my number, I really didn't think you knew about me. I just thought...” Robb finally pulls the stupid cap off, only to rub his hands through his hair in frustration. He sighs. “It's my fault, I should have known. Look, I think I should just get going–”

 

“Wait!” Theon says. “Please, come on. I genuinely didn't know, not at first!” Theon doesn't think it's going to work, but Robb remains seated next to him, so Theon assumes that Robb doesn't think he's lying. “I just thought you might be a new student or something. It wasn't until I'd got your number that my friends told me who you were.” Theon scratches the back of his neck. “If I _had_ known, I might have gone with something classier than cheesy pick-up lines.”

 

Robb snorts. “Are you kidding? That part was amazing.”

 

“Really? Because I’ve had drinks thrown at me for trying those,” Theon says.

  
“No, not the pick-up lines, they were absolutely terrible.” Robb flushes a little. “Usually when I go out, it can get pretty weird. Of course there will be people who don't know me, but more often than not, I'll end up with lines of people wanting a picture, or everyone around me will stare, or I'll get whispered about and pointed at...” Robb shrugs. “Being approached by someone with cheesy pick-up lines who doesn't seem to know who I am? Do you have any idea how refreshingly normal that was?”

 

Theon doesn't, but he can imagine. He offers a smile. “No offence here, but I find football dull as shit. I've seen exactly two games. Once with my dad when I was about sever or eight. I was so bored I started crying and he left me in the car at half-time for the rest of the match,” Theon ignores the flash of concern which appears on Robb's face, “and the other day when I was flipping through the channels and saw your face on TV.”

 

Robb looks embarrassed. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.”

 

“Hey, it's fine. I think we should put this behind us and enjoy the picnic. How does that sound?”

 

Robb nods, and they do just that. Robb and Theon spend a good few hours lounging in the grass long after all their food is gone. Robb tells Theon about some of his stranger fan encounters, like how one man had found out where Robb and his family were going on holiday, and had applied for a job at the hotel they were staying at, and they had found out when the man burst into the wrong room and ended up face to face with Robb's youngest sister, who'd threatened to stab him if he tried to come near Robb again. Or another time, he'd ended up cornered in a pool by a fan of some rival team, and had almost ended up getting stabbed.

 

Theon's stories feel mundane by comparison, but he tells Robb about his classes, and how as a freshman he had thought it a good idea to correct a lecturer in a class of 600 people, and had promptly been kicked out. He also tells him that he met Margaery and Loras during the first night thefire alarm went off, before he'd realised that about eighty percent of the time the fire alarms were caused by people smoking up indoors and not by actual fires. Loras had all but stopped him from throwing himself out of an open window, while Margaery had handed him a can of ale and led him out the emergency exit door.

 

By the time they reach a lull in their conver **s** ation, the sky has started to darken.

 

“I think I drank too much,” Robb admits.

 

“You barely drank anything,” Theon says.

 

“By your standards maybe.”

 

Theon doesn't argue. He's nowhere near drunk, just hovering on the pleasant side of tipsy, when an idea strikes. “I just had a thought,” he says slowly.

 

“I'm listening.”

 

“You said that the almost-stabbing incident happened the last time you went to a pool,” Theon says.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Well, I thought we could give you some nicer pool memories.”

 

“Theon, it's almost nine. The pool will be shut by now,” Robb says.

 

Theon's grin widens impossibly far. “Exactly.”

 

-

 

“I can't believe I'm about to do this,” Robb says.

 

“You didn't put up a fight,” Theon reminds him.

 

They're standing outside of the towns swimming pool. It's gotten much darker since they left the lake, and since there isn't much night life in this area if town, the street is completely deserted. All that's standing between them and the pool is a six foot fence and some barbed wire.

 

“I know. It's just... if I get caught, I might actually get fired.”

 

“So lets definitely not get caught then.” Theon cracks his knuckles. He knows from, er... _past experience_ that there isn't any additional security on the pool's outdoor section, so as long as they make it over the fence, they'll be fine.

 

Theon throws the blanket they had been using for the picnic over the barbed wire. Then, with the help of a quick run-up, he climbs the fence, taking care not to snag any clothing on the spikes. It's a little stiffer than he remembered, but it had been years since he'd done this last, so he thinks he should be allowed to be a bit out of practice. He decides to drop from the top. Theon experiences a brief moment of regret when the balls of his feet take the worst of the landing, but the throbbing eases out before Robb's finished making the calm.

 

Robb's ascent goes much smoother. He doesn't even get his shoes stuck in the fence on his way down, which Theon finds quite impressive or a first-timer. Once, he'd brought Wex, and he'd fallen flat on his face. Theon puts it down to the football star thing.

 

Then they're undressing in a rush. “RACE YOU!” Theon shouts. He kicks off his shoes, and is running towards the water with his shirt still half-way over his head. When he reaches the edge, he is able to get his shirt over his head, but before he can dive in, he feels something heavy collide against his back, and he goes splashing in to the water with very little resistance.

 

Spluttering, he makes his way to the surface. He's still wearing his socks and trousers, and they cling “Not fair! No tackling,” he says.

 

Robb looks mortified. “I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to knock you. Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?”

 

Robb looks genuinely worried, so Theon decides to take pity on him.”You know,” he says, treading water to remain afloat, “I think it's only fair that you jump in too. Right now.”

 

Robb glances down at himself. He's lost the scarf and the shoes, but he's still in his shirt and jeans. Theon sees him hesitate for just a second, before Robb makes his mind up and throws himself in too. Theon hadn't expected Robb to go through with it, and so only just has time to cover his face from the oncoming splash.

 

“Jesus, it's freezing,” Robb tells him when he emerges from the water.

 

“Of course it's freezing, it's night.” With two strokes, Theon is next to Robb. He grabs hold of the side, and gives his companion a once-over. His shirt looks black now, and is clinging to his chest tightly. “That must be really heavy,” Theon says, nodding at Robb's clothes.

 

“I hadn't actually anticipated that.”

 

“You might want to take it off then. You don't want it to get ruined.” Theon doesn't realise how suggestive the words sound until their out, but before he can regret them, Robb starts struggling his way out of his shirt. It isn't quite as elegant as the fence-climbing, but he makes it out eventually. Robb throws the shirt on to the concrete with a loud _schlopp._

 

Then Robb swims in closer to Theon. He plants one hand on either side of the edge of the pool behind Theon, effectively placing them face to face. “Better?”

 

Theon gulps. He can feel the ripples of the water splash up his from Robb treading to stay afloat. He is so close that Theon can feel the ghost of his breath tickle against his face, and Theon isn't sure what to do with himself.

 

“I'm going to kiss you now,” Robb tells him, voice low. Theon nods, and then Robb's lips are on his and – _oh god_ maybe a pool wasn't the best idea after all, because if Theon isn't careful, he's going to end up drowning. Robb's lips feel warm, despite the chill of the water, and Theon wishes they could spend the rest of the night there. But the cold is starting to get to him, and his trousers are getting very heavy, so he pulls away.

 

“Not to spoil the mood, but I think we should take this somewhere else.”

 

Robb agrees, and they climb out of the pool together. Once they're up, Robb stares down at his shirt in absolute horror. “There is no way I'm putting that on. I won't even make it out of here, I'll freeze to death before we make it over the fence.”

 

“I wouldn't recommend it,” Theon agrees. “I could lend you mine?”

 

“But then you won't have anything. I can't leave you walking around half-naked!” The alcohol must be wearing off now, because Robb is quietly starting to panic. “But I can't go back like this! If I get photographed, my manager might actually kill me.”

 

“Hey, don't freak out on me here!”, Theon says, giving Robb's arm a pat. “I have a solution. I don't live far from here. Just down the street, in fact. We could head back to mine, and I could lend you something while we give your clothes a wash.”

 

“...That actually sounds really great. Thanks.”

 

“No problem.” Theon smiles. “I had a lot of fun today. We should do this again! Minus the breaking and entering maybe.”

 

Robb is smiling too. “You know, I really like the sound of that.”

 

-

 

(01:35)

How did it go?

 

_(01:36)_

_marg, it's late, go to bed_

 

(01:37)

And yet you're still up.

 

_(01:38)_

… _..it went really well. he's asleep in my bed now ;))_

 

(01:39)  
OH MY GOD

 

_(01:39)_

_don't get too excited, i'm on the sofa. we fell in a pool_

 

(01:41)

I have no idea what that means. Is that a good sign?

 

_(01:42)_

_yes, now go to sleep, i still need to figure out a way to smuggle him out of the house tomorrow_

 

(01:43)

I expect all the details tomorrow

 

_(01:43)_

_and you'll get them. goodnight_

 

(01:45)

Fine then. Sleep tight! xx

 

 


End file.
